Half
I’m running my first half marathon this weekend, and it’s interesting timing. This year so far has tested my commitment, stick-with-it-ness and forced me to slow down in ways that are massively uncomfortable for me.
As an elementary school student, my dad trained for Boston and had us running 5Ks with him from a young age. My parents weren’t super into sports, but they did believe that being active everyday was important. Then in high school, I joined a very competitive cross country team freshman year. I really joined only because I didn’t know how to do any other sports, but I soon became obsessed.
As an adult, being a runner is an ingrained part of my identity. I need my endorphins release to normalize. Seriously, I walk around like a 3 year old in a straightjacket otherwise. I’m calmer, more focused and more patient when I’ve had my morning exercise. Sometimes on the weekends, when I’m pent up and acting like a stress ball, Steve points to my shoes and says, “Just go run already.”
But running a few miles is different than distance training. When you get past five miles, you reach this funny emotional place where you have to accept that you’re going to be running forever. You also realize that you need to pace yourself, or you’re going to burn out. So you fight the urge to just hustle for the sake of hustling because the end is not near.
I am bad at this. In running, and in life. I want to just hustle my way to success. I’m not afraid of pain or of hard work. But when it’s prolonged, I start looking for other routes.
At work, I’m increasingly aware that I need to grant myself permission to slow down. Not because I’m being sloppy or because I want to slack off, but because I need to allow space for people who are on different wavelengths. Not everyone’s in the race. Also, great creativity sometimes takes time. You always don’t just snap your fingers and get there. I’m working on allowing more time for open dialogue and active listening. This take patience. It takes an acceptance that getting to the endpoint might take a while. Total mind shift. My bias to action can sometimes be my Achilles heel.
So when I set out to run this weekend, it won’t just be a physical challenge. It’ll be a mental one. I want to prove to myself that I can perform in the long run. That I can optimize and harmonize my awareness through prolonged focus. And not burn out in the middle miles.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
